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Letting go of all this girl related stuff has been quite the task of late.That's why my entries have been sort of up and down. I apologize for that.
I'm a lot better off now than I ever was weeks ago. I dunno if its cuzz the fact that I thought I had something...or its the fact that this relationship has followed through the exact same way the other two did. I dunno. All I DO know...is that I find it rather strange that I feel at home in the situation I've returned to. I feel a sort of happiness in my loneliness. It's a sort of enjoyment of looking at couples and seeing how far away that kind of sensation feels. I enjoy to wear this kind of loner existence on my head like some kind of scarlet letter. Call it dramatic...call it whatever...All I know is that it seems I enjoy feeling this way toward myself. It's as almost that I enjoy being hard on myself. I enjoy that cynical negative outlook of seeing myself as a hopeless cause.
I mean...I guess this is to be expected...considering my entire life I've been ignored by the female masses. I guess what I'm saying is that I feel at home being only seen and nothing more. As the picture illustrates...I feel at home in that kind of scenario(same one i experienced the other day). Wierd. I know. I mean...there is a sadness I experience like any normal human would. That's to be expected. But at the same time there is a sort of comfort.
I guess I've just become accustomed to it.
This all sounds pretty emo when you read it...but I'm actually quite content among it.
TODAY at work was rather fucking busy.
I dunno If any of you have ever worked with a coworker who was about as useful as a one legged man in an ass kicking contest. I pretty much ran the boat today...and shes been there a hell of a lot longer than I have. I have to show her how to do things she should already know. Believe me...dealing with customers...cleaning...cutting meat....answering the phone...doing all of that by yourself while helping a dimwit is rather overbearing. I felt like I wanted to scream.
Anyways. yeah.
um.
boo.